A ridiculous game of rugby league, with quite the show put on by 34 players despite yet another poor performance from Ashley Klein.
Melbourne – 34 (Katoa 20', 36', Coates 24', Warbrick 58', Wishart 74', Hughes 77' tries; Meaney 5/6 goals)
Brisbane – 32 (Mam 27', 50', Mariner 15', Arthars 31', Te Kura 78' tries; Reynolds 3/3, Stags 4/4 goals)
The highlights call this the epic game of the season, because hyperbole and the algorithm, but Big Battle LVI did have a lot going on:
The natural ebb and flow of a rugby league game between two fairly evenly matched teams often sees games turn into something of a stalemate. In round one against the Panthers, Melbourne played the role of a solid object blocking the path of the waves of Penrith attacking moves. The home team stood firm that night in a defensive masterclass. In round two the Warriors took until the second half to batter the Storm into what was a winning position in 99.95% of matches… until Melbourne came from the clouds.
This match started out as something of a fast-flowing dance with both teams probing and finding weaknesses that they knew existed in the opposition.1 Melbourne should have scored in the 11th minute when Jahrome Hughes ran the ball on the last tackle from his own 40m line, exploiting the gaps left by the Brisbane middle forwards. Hughes breezing past both Fletcher Baker and Corey Jensen with a 35m dash through the middle of AAMI Park. Reimis Smith should have been able to collect Hughes’ banana kick to the left flank, but his hands let him down at the crucial moment.
A couple of minutes later, Melbourne were made to pay for their wastefulness in attack, an offload from Eliesa Katoa picked off by Ezra Mam only for the youngster to doubt his ability to beat Xavier Coates in open space to the line. Brisbane would score from the resulting play in Melbourne’s half, quickly moving the ball to their right edge where Coates was absent having made the cover tackle. Deine Mariner’s try felt like it was somewhat against the run of play, but where Melbourne couldn’t convert possession and territory into points, Brisbane were able to get the score on the board with minimal fuss.
Melbourne’s first try of the night would come in the 20th minute, Eliesa Katoa left channel run off a Harry Grant pass finding a weak spot in the Broncos line with Mam, Selwyn Cobbo and Jaiyden Hunt unable to stop the Kiwi. On replay the try looks like it is just Katoa beating some soft defence, but the full set and the lead up highlights how Harry Grant works through defensive lines to put Melbourne in the best position to execute attacking plans. As I wrote after round 3, the not-so secret to beating Melbourne is to tire Grant out of the match. This week he seemed to be able to modulate his work in defense (12 tackles in the first half, versus 23 in the second half), giving him more energy to steer Melbourne around the park. Of course it helped to have the A-Team Melbourne spine players back on the park together for the first time since 2022.2
Back on level terms, it was time for the weekly Xavier Coates starring moment. A perfect kick from Hughes saw the winger soar up above Deine Mariner, catch the SherrinSteeden and score another highlight reel try. The way things are going, that corner of AAMI Park might as well be named Coates Corner soon.3
In front on the scoreboard 10–6, it would be Brisbane hitting back with two tries that tore holes through Melbourne’s right edge. In worrying signs for the Nick Meaney and Will Warbrick defensive partnership, Tristan Sailor’s pass to Jesse Arthars saw Brick out of position, with the Broncos winger able to kick through for Mam to score untouched. Complaints from Grant about interference were unfounded, with the skipper’s fall seemingly putting off Ryan Papenhuyzen from making a final effort (likely in vain) to stop the try. Not long after the Broncos would take their lead out to eight points after a messy final tackle play wasn’t closed down by Melbourne on their left edge, opening the door for Adam Reynolds to again catch Warbrick poorly positioned for a kick in behind. A kind bounce seeing Arthars score just inside the dead ball line. It was a burst of quality rugby league from the visitors which would have had many teams on the ropes.
Melbourne though aren’t as fragile as other teams, Hughes combining with Katoa again in the left channel to target Mam in defence, the try cutting the margin back to two points before half time.
In the shadows of the break, Melbourne were denied a final try scoring effort via a missed penalty against the Broncos, but the visitors would have bigger problems when Adam Reynolds limped off with what looks like a serious hamstring injury.
Dumb football
A string of penalties against Melbourne because #Kleined, was a frustrating way to start the second half, and that bemusement grew nine minutes after half time when the theme from Dumb Ways to Die was heard at AAMI Park. A nothing kick from nepo baby Billy Walters was curiously allowed to bounce between a passive Papenhuyzen and Warbrick which was then pounced upon by Mam who sprinted through the middle for his second try.
Paps and Brick would put this moment behind them combining on a set play to score a try to bring Melbourne back into it with 20 minutes to go, after some sustained pressure on the Broncos line.
The Ezra Mam Experience
I’ve now seen Ezra Mam play live three times inside the last 12 months and he’s the first Broncos player in quite some time that I covet.
To borrow a phase: he’s scary good.4
Bar for the Prefects Head Boy going full god mode in the Grand Final last October, Mam would have been a Clive Churchill Medal and premiership player at just 20-years-old. He’s likely to keep terrorising defenders for more than a decade to come. The way that Melbourne set up their defensive structure, players with the skills and pace of Mam are just so hard to contain. Everything he does has precision at pace and the crispness and vision of his passing had the Storm in panic mode at times.
If the selectors for Queensland’s #wrongpriorities team aren’t thinking of teaming him up with Daly Cherry-Evans this year instead of Cameron Munster just to put the fear into NSW, then please do.5
Dumb football is contagious
With Melbourne down by two points with 20 minutes to play, a game that had people raving entered a prolonged spell of dumb football. Both teams were guilty, the referee wasn’t helping matters.
There were dropped balls, a badly butchered try from the visitors, missed and terrible calls from the referee. It felt like neither team could get their shit together and actually go about winning the game.
Kleined
inept /ɪˈnɛpt/
adjectivehaving or showing no skill; clumsy.
"the referee's inept handling of the match"
Thank you Google/Oxford Language for that definition and usage in a sentence. Couldn’t have put it better myself.
When I hit publish on the preview if you received the post by email I had neglected to put who the referee was for this match. I quickly updated the web version, but I knew then that this was going to be a bad time.
Ashley Klein isn’t the worst NRL referee, but he is high on the list of the most inept. Melbourne’s win percentage drops almost 8% in matches where he has the whistle, despite the Storm now winning seven straight against him.6
Unlike some of the other referees who need a second referee to modulate their decision-making,7 Klein just needs to read the rulebook and actually watch the game, rather than guess at what’s just happened in front of him.
Some of his decisions just don’t hold up to any scrutiny. His inconsistency is just maddening. I might have to tune into the Graham Annesley Comedy Hour on Monday to see if he even bothers to ruminate on the litany of errors Klein made in this match.8
Melbourne’s spark
Trailing 26–22 with just over 10 minutes to go, Melbourne needed something. Enter Tyran Wishart who came on for Trent Loiero. Wishart was deployed in that hybrid middle forward role that allows him to roam around looking for scraps and just bringing energy. His try to level things up in the 74th minute was pure effort. A good run and fast play the ball from Jack Howarth9 setting up the space for Grant to put Wishart over for the video referee to correctly overrule another decision from Klein.
That Jahrome Hughes scored the match-sealing try a couple of minutes later was reward for a top night for the halfback. He makes good things happen for Melbourne, and his effort to get there ahead of the Broncos shows how much he cares.10
Up eight points with 200 seconds left, there was time for a Broncos try to debutant man-mountain Benjamin Te Kura, more fuckery from Klein, and Warbrick to end the match when Sailor’s last ditch kick was easily captured by the winger.
66 points in a absurd night of rugby league.
The search for meaning
Melbourne beating Brisbane is the natural order of things. Both teams are searching for premiership number seven and could well feature in September again in 2024. However, the Broncos at full strength would likely defeat a full strength Storm line-up more than often than not, especially in Queensland. To avoid that Melbourne need to keep winning home matches and snag more than a few away wins this season to avoid travelling in week one of the finals. The only thing that could derail Brisbane’s season is injury, with an increasingly fragile Adam Reynolds a key concern.
For Melbourne, the run home will be the key this season, so banking wins now is extremely useful.
Stat offloads
Adam Reynolds is now winless in ten NRL matches at AAMI Park. Of the Broncos 17-man squad that played, only Corey Oates (2016 with Brisbane) and Tyson Smoothy (2021 with Melbourne against Souths) have been on the winning side in Melbourne.
32 is the most points scored by the Broncos against Melbourne since the opening match at AAMI Park in 2010 when Brisbane scored a 36–14 win.
Jahrome Hughes scored his 50th try for Melbourne, becoming the 18th player in club history to reach that milestone.
Nick Meaney’s 10 points saw him move to 402 points for Melbourne, with his 32 points so far this season moving him past Josh Addo-Carr and Cooper Cronk into the top five points scorers for Melbourne.
Melbourne have now won 12 straight matches at AAMI Park and are averaging 29.92 points per game, while conceding just 13.83 points per game.
Post match quotes
Bellamy “babbled on about nothing” (he also had some good words about Wishy):
I’m not quite sure what to say about that [game]. It’s probably one of the strangest games I’ve ever seen or been involved in. I image the crowd or the people at home would have enjoyed it… we’re probably a little disappointed.
We thought in the first half we had the better of the play, but we didn’t take as much advantage out of that as we could have.
They have a couple of players out, so they’ve done really well. We know they’re a really good side.
It’s nice that we’ve won some close games, but I much prefer the 8–0 [against Penrith] than 34–32. I would like to pick which [game] we come up with each week. We’ve been a bit inconsistent. We’ve fought to get back in front.
Grant:
There was a lot of momentum changes and points against the run of play. We were pretty comfortable with knowing what we had to do. It’s a shame that we made it so close.
For a change from the norm for me, I watched the opposition coach do their press conference too, only because Kevin Walters looked so sad and disappointed, and I like that a lot.
You can’t expect to win a game of footy when they score that many tries. Not acceptable.
We just weren’t quite there defensively tonight. Some of the tries we scored were absolutely amazing, but we’ve got to be better defensively. I feel sorry for them in there because so much effort went in and just a couple little sloppy areas and we concede points.
Walters also tried in true Broncos fashion to blame Melbourne’s wrestle for slowing down the play the ball. Which do the stats back that up:
Was it worth it?
When judging a Melbourne Storm season, there’s a few boxes to check off for it to be considered a successful campaign. One of them is beating Brisbane.
While it would be nice if Melbourne could give fans a stress-free night at the footy and put the sword through a team, there is a certain thrill in watching a team do things the hard way and still come through with the two competition points. I suspected before the start of the season that Melbourne could be in danger of getting off to a poor start to 2024 having to play all three of the other 2023 top four teams in the opening five weeks. But to be firmly in the top four with three wins against those teams and only loss the excuse-laden performance against the Knights as the only defeat, the start will hopefully help Melbourne come the business end of the 2024 season.
As for Thursday night football, I’ve been banging on like a broken record about why Thursday night football is a crime against sports fans who actually like to attend and travel to matches for the longest time. No one is listening and I’m tired, so very tired.
Thankfully Storm’s marketing efforts were rewarded with an official attendance of 20,698 which was the first time in a while breaking that 20k figure against the Broncos in Melbourne, and also the first time since 2016 that AAMI Park has seen consecutive regular season home matches attract more than 20k. What a pity that the next home game is the idiotic 6pm Friday night kickoff when almost no interstate fans can attend, and the regular peak hour commute causes issues across the Melbourne road and public transport network. Sigh.
8/10
Storm Machine Player of the Year
With two tries and for putting Ezra Mam to work in defence, I’m giving three points to Eliesa Katoa, with Jahrome Hughes also getting three points for his efforts in both attack and defence.
In the middle, Tui Kamikamica has had a statistically massive match with 14 hit-ups gaining 166 metres also making 23 tackles at 100% efficiency.11 I’ve also afforded Shawn Blore a point for his work on the edge. Coming in for Joe Chan against the Knights, Blore quickly got up to speed and has shown plenty now in two matches.
An honourable mention this week to Trent Loiero, who even though he conceded two penalties, including one of which is resulting in a fine from the match review, I’m seeing the good things he’s doing in the middle of the park, especially in attacking territory. I think he’s offering enough at lock forward for the moment, especially with Josh King being better suited to the middle forward role that allows him to run harder for two stints rather than having to play all 80 minutes.
Round 5 points:
3 – Eliesa Katoa
3 – Jahrome Hughes
2 – Tui Kamikamica
1 – Shawn Blore
Leaderboard:
5 – Jahrome Hughes, Eliesa Katoa
4 – Xavier Coates, Ryan Papenhuyzen
3 – Tui Kamikamica
2 – Harry Grant
1 – Jonah Pezet, Joe Chan, Trent Loiero, Shawn Blore
Around the grounds
Jersey Flegg Cup U21s — Melbourne Storm 28–18 Wests Tigers
A hat trick to Siulagi Pio saw Melbourne defeat the Tigers at Seabrook Reserve on Saturday afternoon. There were a bunch of postponed matches in the Jersey Flegg Cup due to weather in The Bad Place.
Queensland Cup — Brisbane Tigers 48–0 Western Clydesdales
Jonah Pezet, Kane Bradley, Marion Seve, Tristan Powell and Joe Chan turned out for the Tigers against the Clydesdales. Powell and Bradley scoring first half tries at Langlands Park as the home team shot out to a 26–0 lead, with Chan and Pezet scoring in the second half for a big win for the reigning premiers.
Queensland Cup — Sunshine Coast Falcons 32–10 Northern Pride
The Falcons got a much needed win against the Pride, Grant Anderson and Young Tonumaipea each scoring tries in the first half. Aaron Pene, Chris Lewis and Lazarus Vaalepu all playing minutes.
New South Wales Cup — North Sydney Bears 42–16 Western Suburbs Magpies
Dean Ieremia, Nelson Asofa-Solomona and Tepai Moeroa all scored tries in the second half for the Bears in a big win over the Magpies. NAS though is on report and was also sent to the sin bin after a tackle on Brent Naden late in the match.
Next up
Round 6 vs Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs – Friday 12 April, 6:00pm @ AAMI Park
If Melbourne’s match against the Broncos was ridiculous, new words might be required to describe the Bulldogs 30–26 win over the Roosters on Friday night at Accor Stadium. There was a lot going on in the rain and the Dogs will have a few issues ahead of their visit to AAMI Park where they were the last team to beat the home team in 2023.
Full preview post on Thursday.
There was a moment of comedy idiocy in the 2nd minute when Tristan Sailor decided to throw Ryan Papenhuyzen’s boot away. Pretty sure that’s been a penalty for quite some time, but who throws a shoe, honestly‽
Insert your own A-Team reference here. Mine is exchanging B.A. Baracus mohawk for Hughes’ headgear with the halfback saying to Munster (as Hannibal) “You got that wrong, man. A good offense is the best defense”. Look I amuse myself okay‽
Just don’t put a banner down there lest the overly officious and odious MOPT staff order its removal.
If you’ve just been triggered by this Dwayne Russell commentary line, help is available to you. Just steer clear of AFL matches commentated by Brian Taylor and James Brayshaw. If symptoms persist, don’t throw your remote at the television.
Yes I’d rather have Cameron Munster playing at Lang Park on 21 June against the Red Fish, than seeing him at the MCG for Queensland against NSW on 26 June.
Yes teams win matches against referees. What of it?
Hello Adam Gee.
A version of this post detailed them, but being #Kleined in 2024 is just expected now.
The hyped one finally playing in Victoria and is now 2-0 against Brisbane. You love to see it.
A better referee might have even noticed that a Broncos defender went legs first at Hughes, fouling him in the act of scoring for what should have been a possible eight-point try.
NRL.com stats, the Fox Sports Lab stats have Tui with 145m and 20 tackles at 100%.