Didn’t expect to be checking off a few different records on a Sunday afternoon, yet here we are.
North Queensland – 45 (Valemei 5', 8', 43', Taulagi 52', 60', Holmes 29', Nanai 64', Townsend 71' tries; Holmes 6/8 goals; Townsend field goal)
Melbourne – 20 (Coates 22', Olam 34', Meaney 57' tries; Meaney 4/4 goals)
There’s a certain absurdist humour in the highlights this week.
On to the review and what caught my eye was that the home team had chosen to wear their alternate kit combination, so Melbourne for the first time since 2012 wore their regular uniform in Townsville. It also happened the last time Melbourne played a day game in Townsville back in 2002, so I can only assume the Cowboys subscribe to the Miami Dolphins theory about wearing lighter colours on warm days.
It’s easy to pinpoint that Melbourne struggled from the start – their opening two sets with the ball resulted in long kicks after not being able to cross their own 40m line. The Cowboys had field position and possession for almost the entire first ten minutes, scoring twice through club debutant Semi Valemei.1 Would love to know what Loiero, Olam and Coates were thinking in defence on the first try, while the second try was scored on the back of a forward pass that really should have been called by the officials.
Down 10–0 and it was apparent that the Cowboys had the energy, while Melbourne looked off. Melbourne looked ragged and ill-disciplined in defence; sloppy and ineffective with the ball. The only bright spark early was a nice run in space by Will Warbrick after a solid shift to the right edge. That movement to the right seemed like Melbourne’s best chance to score in the first half as they spotted Tom Dearden as the weakest defender, but it was via Melbourne’s left edge where the Storm would cross through Xavier Coates. This was the spot where the Cowboys had been leaking points through Chad Townsend and Peta Hiku.
Nominally at 10–6 Melbourne were back in the game halfway through the first half, but it wasn’t long before the Cowboys extended their lead through Valentine Holmes. It was sharp play from Dearden and Scott Drinkwater, coming on the back of a bad error from Nelson Asofa-Solomona.
Melbourne would find an answer through Justin Olam again on the left edge, but it would be his last involvement in the game when he left the field for a head injury assessment which he would fail. It was reported that it was a category one concussion, which if that holds will keep Olam out of the match against Cronulla.
That meant that Grant Anderson would come on at left centre.2 A penalty3 saw Meaney even the scores up4 at 14–all and the teams would come out for the second half with all to play for.5
Melbourne would start the second half like they did the first half. Valemei would complete his hat-trick with Coates adventurously going for an intercept. Reece Robson was pulling the strings for the home team and Melbourne just didn’t have the effort areas in them as a group to shut down the Cowboys attack. I do wonder if the outcome of this game would have been different if Eliesa Katoa had been able to ground the ball cleanly from a nice kick from Jahrome Hughes.6
Murray Taulagi would score a double, and Jeremiah Nanai would score another7 and with 15 minutes to go 40+ points against was looming large. In between the two Taulagi tries, Nick Meaney would score a smart try for himself off a chip and chase to beat Deardon, with Scott Drinkwater up in the defensive line.8
Once the score got to 38–20 the only real interest9 I had left in the game was whether the 50 points would be scored against Melbourne. When Townsend scored another try with just under 10 minutes left to take it to 44–20 it had to happen, but the only further points was the good old fashioned disrespectful field goal to make the final score 45–20.10
In the end Melbourne just were making fundamental errors and missing so many tackles, while the Cowboys were switched on in attack. Sometimes that’s just how it is.
Records management
Let’s go through the records set in this one:
Most tries against Melbourne since Canterbury also scored eight in their 39–0 defeat of Melbourne in S16E18 back in 2013, when the NRL decided to play a grand final rematch during #wrongpriorities.11
Highest score conceded by Melbourne against the Cowboys, beating the Cowboys previous best of 40 set in S09E03 in 2006, when a Thurston led Cowboys put the sword through Melbourne in Townsville.
First time since S17E04 in 2014 that Melbourne had conceded 40 points or more, with 45 being the highest score conceded by Melbourne since the Bulldogs put 50 past the Storm in S06E22 in 2003.12
Bellamy
The three minute press conference after the match was Bellyache just doing his thing. I’m sure the club will cop some kind of punishment for not sending Christian Welch or Jahrome Hughes to front the media, but I’m not sure anyone would begrudge their absence next to a fuming coach.
It was putrid to be quite honest. Our defence today really was the disappointing part of it. Our two starts to the halves… they blew us away when we should be at our freshest. We just don’t learn from our mistakes. It went to another level today, but I’m not quite sure when the penny is going to drop.
We got what we deserved to be quite honest.
Was it worth it?
Until I saw this from r/nrl user u/CretaceousClock, this game wasn’t going to live long as a core memory, but this is a perfect encapsulation of the match.
In the final minute, getting smashed away from home, crashing into a concrete gutter, risking serious injury,13 the reaction of the cheerleader14 on the end, the sportsmanship. Perfect, no notes.
2/10
Storm Machine Player of the Year
Thought Tui Kamikamica had a reasonable game that deserves some recognition,15 and Harry Grant backed up okay from his midweek game. He did look gassed though and I think it would have been nice if Tyran Wishart was on the bench to pinch hit through the game at dummy half. Can’t in all good conscious award points to anyone on the edges though, even if their stats were okay.
Round 14 points:
1 – Tui Kamikamica
1 – Harry Grant
Leaderboard
14 – Harry Grant
13 – Cameron Munster, Nick Meaney
8 – Christian Welch
6 – Trent Loiero
5 – Jahrome Hughes
4 – Josh King, Eliesa Katoa
3 – Nelson Asofa-Solomona, Will Warbrick
2 – Xavier Coates, Alec MacDonald Jonah Pezet, Tui Kamikamica
1 – Reimis Smith, Justin Olam
Next up
Cronulla – AAMI Park, Sunday 11 June, 4:05pm
Back to AAMI Park to face off against the inconsistent Sharks. With both teams sharing 7–5 records, Melbourne face the prospect of needing a win to stay in touch with the teams around them on the ladder. The depth of the defeat by the Cowboys sees Melbourne’s points difference in the negative, so it would be nice if the team could try and score more than 24 points for a change.
Nick Meaney will play his 100th NRL game,16 so hopefully a week is enough time for the team to turn it around, as the team wears their 2023 Indigenous jersey again.
Preview post later in the week.
Previously winless in three matches against Melbourne while playing for Canberra. That already makes him a unicorn, let alone his efforts in this one.
Not in any way justifying his place on the interchange.
From one of the silliest refereeing decisions rightfully overturned by the Bunker.
Love that Nine and the vision switcher missed showing it live on the coverage.
Also, given his continued poor performances in Origin, does Mat Thompson ever wonder why he’s not liked as a commentator? Nine really should have paid Warren Smith all the money to head up their rugby league broadcast team.
Andrew Johns suggesting that Katoa knocked the ball back to Josh King were weird areas. It’s a clear knock on paid in every game, unsurprisingly the Fox League commentary team saw it that way too.
If you’re a Grant Anderson fan, don’t watch the replay of this try.
While Meaney had an okay game, I thought Drinkwater’s game for the Cowboys was everything we ever wanted from Drinky when he was coming through the grades for Melbourne.
Apart from Bronson Garlick’s boots that have the word “HALO” written on the sole. That I’m interested in finding out more.
With the officials denying Melbourne a clear penalty try. If you need a dose of angry pills, the highlights are here, but I do not recommend given Ray fucking Hadley is on commentary. Melbourne were missing Slater, Cronk, Smith and Hoffman to Origin, while the Bulldogs only had Josh Morris absent.
2003 is an underrated wild season in Melbourne Storm history. There’s a bunch of weird and wacky games in Bellamy’s first season.
Maybe Xavier Coates wanted to really emulate Marcus Bai from 2000 (IYKYK). As an aside, it’s forever annoying that certain matches from the 2000 season are not readily available to re-watch.
I often forget that some NRL teams still have cheerleaders. The Storm’s “street crew” never returned after the 2019 season.
Including making a double tackle late in the game that could have resulted in the 50 points being brought up.
Five games at Newcastle in 2018, 60 at Canterbury 2019–21, 34 at Melbourne 2022–present.